Notes On 2022: The Way of Things
Growth is sometimes beautiful stitching together. A patching of cracked and distorted things, broken and bent things. It is like hope renewed and beauty forged through even the harshest of life’s fires. Other times, it is a torrent, ravaging everything in its path, continuously withering, continuously shriveling. It is the way of things.
The past year has likely shown us all of both facets. We’ve accomplished great things, scaling the walls of fear and limitation. Working through our imperfections, we’ve created perfect memories. Snapshots in time of the beauty of life. The laughter. The wins. And yet, have we not lost? Relationships? Dreams? Family? It is the way of things.
I spent a great chunk of the year rethinking so many of my perspectives and ideals. On faith. Success. Failure. Relationships. Life was changing fast and not wanting to repeat the same cycles of mistakes, I realized that too many of my current values were inadequate in face of these realities. Like an explorer crashing into new lands, I learned that survival required a different approach than most of what I had known before.
Amid all this philosophizing, a certain theme began to shape my thoughts — the miracle of second chances.
A mentor of mine likes to say that failure is never a permanent condemnation but a signal that your circumstances require a different, better version of you. While that may be true, what assurance do any of us have that we will be given another attempt in the face of our mistakes? That the stage will be set for us again?
The binding miracle of failure and growth is a second chance. The blessing of an opportunity to set things right. Not just an internal recognition of a mistake made or guilt but a genuine chance to correct our wrongs. Many die, changed, and better people, yet unable to escape the burden of their past.
Like the absent and busy father deep into the twilight of life, he realizes the loneliness of things. He fantasizes about the laughter and joys of family and friends, but they are forever far from him. They are dreams now and can be nothing more.
It made me realize that second chances are time-sensitive. It isn’t a question of if but when. You must learn your lessons early, taking all the hints in your youth because life is a great school, but its graduates are grey-haired.
We can’t escape regret and mistakes. It is the way of things. We can, however, commit to breaking cycles of hurt and failure early.
I fell in love with stand-up comedy this year. I realized that one of the best ways to confront my prejudices and ignorance was to satirize them. Learning to laugh and smile in the face of the old gave me the fire to create a new one. Guilt tends to weigh down more than it refines.
By humorizing some of my flaws, I could analyze them and pick apart with a smile. Where I once saw only pain and regret, I could now see silliness and jest. It helped me to let go. It helped me to take myself less seriously and the people and opportunities around me more.
Needless to say, I have made many mistakes with people.
It is often internal transformation that produces external change. As your mindset and beliefs change, so do habits. Realities and circumstances are sometimes shaped by these habits. It is the reason we must ask the why’s of the things we do.
When external environments are ripe for progress and growth, our habits keep us trapped in cycles of failure. Our habits keep us in hope and faith when external environments are filled with stagnation.
As there is a time when the land is not barren, there comes a time when it is irreversibly, no matter what your habits are. There are seasons and timings to life and second chances. It is the way of things to get older but not always to grow.
